The long road

There is such a time when’st thine light does shine bright and the majestic impressions of time there after does bring forth brilliant displays of contentment. Thus, the heart of thine being flourishes in the eyes of the light beyond. Even so, no such fate goes forth into the land unharmed. To remain pure and innocent, thine must know the costs and pains of knowledge so that thee may gain in wisdom and ascend the imprisonment of reality that has been placed upon thine paths end. Thou has’t only be seen by the self of thine’s inner being to know the truth of life and feel the love that does shine always within. How does thee find such meaning in indoctrinated religion when thou has’t not sought out and been a pilgrim in the land you so protest? Ah the sweet sorrows of life do bring meaning if thine feet do walk with tempered and succinct purpose. Forgo the rapturous nature of thine cities and find solace in nature where the slow river does wade through the earths lands. And, when thine final breath does press against the fading home thou has’t created through out a life time of dreams, worry not for that which has gone undone or the pain that has’t been inflicted through callous and inconsiderate reactions, find the peace in the smiles you have brought to others, the warmth that has’t passed from thine center to that of another, and find that place of contentment within to protect against the dregs of unknowing.  Let the long road give thine being its rest and worry not about what thine has left behind for the world and its river shall run forth still.



Obliteration and Reconciliation.

Lost is that boy who left home so long ago,into the darkness he went in search of secrets,
knowing not he found himself lost in the confluences of war,
his path winding and twisting did he grow to understand what it meant to sacrifice.

Love was often lost to free the hearts of others,
tears were shed to give hope to others,
on his shoulders did he take the pain of others,
the weight of the world bore him down onto his knee.

Abandoned and screaming he slowly stood to face a world that didn’t care,
in time others did come to stand by him and show him he didn’t have to be alone,
they gave him smiles and laughter,
took him in they did.

He stands now staring back at the path he walked wondering if he will be okay,
looking off into the sky he does,
hoping to find his heart again so that he might give his love to another,
he knows it will be alright.

With the sun shining and blazing from high,
he takes in the warmth,
takes in the breeze,
he hopes others will understand how difficult it is to be loved, and hopes that in time it will be easier.

He does not fear the darkness so much as before,
he see’s beyond and knows his limits,
for when the world is cold, close at hand will be someone to outstretch their hand to give warmth,
it is in the acceptance of help and the unburdening of all he has taken on that he has found his truth.
In vicem placidus deinde fas unicus in umum manet veritas.

Young is the human mind

There is quite a lot to think about as far as our humanity goes.  Are we beings of flesh, that are only conscious because of our flesh? Or is our existence tied deeper in fundamental terms of energy? There is also the question of whether we supplicate our morality to something beyond our grasp of knowledge and understanding.

I have found at times this life of flesh is an imprisonment of sorts. There has been extreme sadness, heart rending pain, unending conflict, and desires upon which men and women find themselves distressed and lost. And yet, the opposite is also true. When love is found, it is majestic, a breathe of such tender emotions that to take it away ends and tears away the fabric of what someone becomes during that time of love.  Bittersweet is this life we live, for their is much in the way of emotional, and physical experiences.

However, the banality of human existence has for most of my life been a question of when will I be able to go home.  Crazy as it might sound, I’ve never been overly fond of being human.  I once tried to explain this feeling to my father and he told me it was irrelevant and not real because I had no other way of being to compare it to.  This distressed me greatly.  For in my core I knew a life different from this, could I explain it to someone? I could not, for it is one of those memories and feelings that sits on the edge of awareness, both present and not present, shadowed.

I have read about many philosophies, many religions, and many spiritual beliefs.  Have experienced much in the way of my own spirituality. When I was between the ages of eight and nine, I discovered a feeling of distress concerning the Baptist/Christian beliefs that I was being taught.  So conflicted with the ideals they tried to teach me that I did not sleep at all well or find the feelings that were described to me during sermons.  There was something missing from what they were teaching, some core value of great import that was not considered.  I did not voice this reasoning of course. For who would listen to a child about ideals concerning theology? Who would even begin to acknowledge such a child? It could be, that it was for those very reasons that I turned away from indoctrinated theology, or it could have been as I believe it to be; a hand resting lightly on my shoulder, a voice deep and light telling me to go in search of the answer myself, to not rely on those around me for the answer for they would not understand the question.  Having never voiced this to those beyond my trusted companions, I find it almost disconcerting to say it now to those of you who have deigned to follow my blogs.

In search I did go, most of what I asked had no bearing on what I wished to find in answers.  Wishing not to search for the answer, for to search for it would make it elusive and unattainable.  To find an answer to those most important questions of ones life, they must be learned in ignorance.  So on and on I have walked acting in accordance to what I learned early in my life; for the principles and codes were valid in their reasons, it was the application and manipulation that I did not agree with.  I would not claim to be a Baptist/Christian any longer. As I have said, there is something greater to the meaning of spirituality that I have yet to find. We as humans only understand a small insignificant portion of ourselves, and that of the high powers.

Yet, I feel a pull towards spirituality and philosophy, towards understanding people and things unseen.  And as I sit here, I wonder if the answer I have sought all along is acceptance.  Acceptance of sin, acceptance of self-doubt, acceptance of flaws.  With acceptance a person could truly come to find forgiveness and understanding for all that has been done throughout their life, and repent with truth and honesty devoid of greed and need/want.  It is in acceptance that we become free.

So why then is this not taught to our young? Why is this not taught to those in need of help?  In religious sermons it is often said one must give themselves freely to god, to worship so that he may absolve the life of your soul so that you may find peace in life and the afterlife.  Yet is it not acceptance for who a person is, that is being sought?  I find the practice almost displeasing because instead of teaching someone to find within themselves a means by which to be self-accepting, they push ideologies onto people with whom are either captivated by the idea of an all-loving, all-understanding lord beyond their imagination, or find a being that will strike fear in their hearts should they falter from the ideals that are preached. That may by chance make me look ignorant, and I accept that fact. There are times in life when people need help, and there is not help to be found, and in turn they seek guidance, love, understanding, and acceptance from a higher power, for that higher will always be with them. I do not mean to degrade anyone’s religious beliefs. Only mean to speak out against those that would use such need for the own greedy intentions.

I have belief in a creator, but I do try not to limit myself to the ideology that their is only one being that created heaven and earth. For if there was such a being would he not be able to change with the civilizations of the earth to be what they need  him to be.

If one were to follow the anthropological progress of myths and theological beliefs down the time-line of humanity, it is possible to see and find that when the people needed certain aspects from a higher power they were given what they needed, and when those needs changed so did the perception of that being or beings. I say beings, because even in Christianity there are angels with whom god has given power to patrol his domains. It seems to me that people fight out of selfishness, a need to be the favored.  Yet was not all of humanity the favored creations in the eyes of god, and in other religions did not the gods rely upon humanity for worship so that they might thrive?

To find peace amongst all peoples acceptance first of self, and then of others is what is needed most. We fight for insubstantial gains such as money, fight over land that will be lost upon our deaths. Humanities petty problems concerning secrets, materialistic gains, and slights against countries that see themselves as different, shows just how young humanity is. We should be able to set aside our wants and be able to give to one another without asking, “What will you give me in return.”  We are indeed young, we fight over idea’s that could be of benefit to everyone, if everyone sat down and worked out the flaws and were accepting of such flaws. However, it is not in our nature to accept that which we fear.  And it is our fear that will someday cause us all great pain.

A change in the wind

It is there in the midnight blue, where the moon shines silver.  A silence so deep it touches the soul of mine heart, when no more does the ache of prior times inflame. I sit and watch the play of the streaming wind against the tangles of free grasses. Swaying gently they do mesmerize, a depth of knowing opens, the silence gives birth, tall and strong is that within, for without the insecurity of flesh comes the sincerity of humble beginnings.  “Need not, want not,” a voice within does echo. “In silence you will find the truth of whom you are, it shall be your truth forever more,” it says.  Knowing not, seeing not, so blind are we, that we force life into action and action into life. So lost are we to the truth of our own existence. It us who allows misery to be so ever present. The weak suffer, the strong struggle to hold on to what it is they believe to be rightfully theirs. Dynasties are created to be ever lasting, it is our nonacceptance of finality that shall be our undoing. Fall shall we if we do not change, and change quickly we must. Yet great pain shall be the only way.