There is quite a lot to think about as far as our humanity goes. Are we beings of flesh, that are only conscious because of our flesh? Or is our existence tied deeper in fundamental terms of energy? There is also the question of whether we supplicate our morality to something beyond our grasp of knowledge and understanding.
I have found at times this life of flesh is an imprisonment of sorts. There has been extreme sadness, heart rending pain, unending conflict, and desires upon which men and women find themselves distressed and lost. And yet, the opposite is also true. When love is found, it is majestic, a breathe of such tender emotions that to take it away ends and tears away the fabric of what someone becomes during that time of love. Bittersweet is this life we live, for their is much in the way of emotional, and physical experiences.
However, the banality of human existence has for most of my life been a question of when will I be able to go home. Crazy as it might sound, I’ve never been overly fond of being human. I once tried to explain this feeling to my father and he told me it was irrelevant and not real because I had no other way of being to compare it to. This distressed me greatly. For in my core I knew a life different from this, could I explain it to someone? I could not, for it is one of those memories and feelings that sits on the edge of awareness, both present and not present, shadowed.
I have read about many philosophies, many religions, and many spiritual beliefs. Have experienced much in the way of my own spirituality. When I was between the ages of eight and nine, I discovered a feeling of distress concerning the Baptist/Christian beliefs that I was being taught. So conflicted with the ideals they tried to teach me that I did not sleep at all well or find the feelings that were described to me during sermons. There was something missing from what they were teaching, some core value of great import that was not considered. I did not voice this reasoning of course. For who would listen to a child about ideals concerning theology? Who would even begin to acknowledge such a child? It could be, that it was for those very reasons that I turned away from indoctrinated theology, or it could have been as I believe it to be; a hand resting lightly on my shoulder, a voice deep and light telling me to go in search of the answer myself, to not rely on those around me for the answer for they would not understand the question. Having never voiced this to those beyond my trusted companions, I find it almost disconcerting to say it now to those of you who have deigned to follow my blogs.
In search I did go, most of what I asked had no bearing on what I wished to find in answers. Wishing not to search for the answer, for to search for it would make it elusive and unattainable. To find an answer to those most important questions of ones life, they must be learned in ignorance. So on and on I have walked acting in accordance to what I learned early in my life; for the principles and codes were valid in their reasons, it was the application and manipulation that I did not agree with. I would not claim to be a Baptist/Christian any longer. As I have said, there is something greater to the meaning of spirituality that I have yet to find. We as humans only understand a small insignificant portion of ourselves, and that of the high powers.
Yet, I feel a pull towards spirituality and philosophy, towards understanding people and things unseen. And as I sit here, I wonder if the answer I have sought all along is acceptance. Acceptance of sin, acceptance of self-doubt, acceptance of flaws. With acceptance a person could truly come to find forgiveness and understanding for all that has been done throughout their life, and repent with truth and honesty devoid of greed and need/want. It is in acceptance that we become free.
So why then is this not taught to our young? Why is this not taught to those in need of help? In religious sermons it is often said one must give themselves freely to god, to worship so that he may absolve the life of your soul so that you may find peace in life and the afterlife. Yet is it not acceptance for who a person is, that is being sought? I find the practice almost displeasing because instead of teaching someone to find within themselves a means by which to be self-accepting, they push ideologies onto people with whom are either captivated by the idea of an all-loving, all-understanding lord beyond their imagination, or find a being that will strike fear in their hearts should they falter from the ideals that are preached. That may by chance make me look ignorant, and I accept that fact. There are times in life when people need help, and there is not help to be found, and in turn they seek guidance, love, understanding, and acceptance from a higher power, for that higher will always be with them. I do not mean to degrade anyone’s religious beliefs. Only mean to speak out against those that would use such need for the own greedy intentions.
I have belief in a creator, but I do try not to limit myself to the ideology that their is only one being that created heaven and earth. For if there was such a being would he not be able to change with the civilizations of the earth to be what they need him to be.
If one were to follow the anthropological progress of myths and theological beliefs down the time-line of humanity, it is possible to see and find that when the people needed certain aspects from a higher power they were given what they needed, and when those needs changed so did the perception of that being or beings. I say beings, because even in Christianity there are angels with whom god has given power to patrol his domains. It seems to me that people fight out of selfishness, a need to be the favored. Yet was not all of humanity the favored creations in the eyes of god, and in other religions did not the gods rely upon humanity for worship so that they might thrive?
To find peace amongst all peoples acceptance first of self, and then of others is what is needed most. We fight for insubstantial gains such as money, fight over land that will be lost upon our deaths. Humanities petty problems concerning secrets, materialistic gains, and slights against countries that see themselves as different, shows just how young humanity is. We should be able to set aside our wants and be able to give to one another without asking, “What will you give me in return.” We are indeed young, we fight over idea’s that could be of benefit to everyone, if everyone sat down and worked out the flaws and were accepting of such flaws. However, it is not in our nature to accept that which we fear. And it is our fear that will someday cause us all great pain.